R A AA A A AA A A A A A AR !

Since Tigger split from Winnie The Pooh, he hasn't been the same. The good-natured bear has gone on to have a series of crunk singles sell millions of copies and he now lives in a mansion entirely made from honey. But Tigger grew old and bitter, his stripes faded, and now he definitely, definitely does not like having his picture taken.

MA V IE EN R O SE

This is my special chair. It's where I do all my thinking. I make plans and I think of long words and dream of being on top of a mountain. It's where I apply my eyeliner. I am a star when I sit on my special chair.

SA R AH GO ES TO T HE P U B

This is not a fatotograf. It is a cartoonafat. It features my friend Sarah who used to have pigtails and now has a baby. She does not eat people. Well, not people that matter anyway.

N I GH TS A FE

Has anyone got the keys? Seriously. I can't find the keys. I'm sure I put them here somewhere. I'd check down the back of the sofa, but I sliced it up and put it inside these bags. Now I have to stand up all the time. I wish I had the keys.

S C H OO L DA YS

Children shouldn't smoke. Cigarettes are probably okay, but give them a pipe and after a day, they've gone and burst it.

LI G H T S

These are my spotlights. I am illuminated. I radiate to others. This is my moment of fame. My fifteen minutes. The stage is mine. The audience is rapt. Yet I have nothing to say. I hesitate. I stutter. It is hot. I wither under the lights. I cannot act. I shouldn't be on stage. I should, however, be able to get a starring role in My Hero.

N OT T O B ES NI F F ED A T

A song written by Driver Drive Faster's Peet Earnshaw and experimental composer Charlie Usher. It looks simple enough to play. This is going on ebay for at least 14 pence if I can somehow steal it off them.