F A D E O UT

All things will fade. The sun, it will fade. The moon and the stars, they will fade. Our friendships, one day they will fade. Love will fade. But the music? The music won't fade. Look at those levels. They ain't moving for any bugger.

O HL O R D

This is the Manchester United stadium. Can you hear the people in the Manchester United stadium? They're singing. They are singing "kumbaya my lord, kumbaya, oh lord, kumbaya". They are so happy. After the match, they will light a bonfire.

X M AS L IG H T S

Happy glowing Christmas. I don't think these presents are meant to be glowing like that. They could just be hot.

YE L L OW P A TC H

What's a snowman's favourite comedian? Eddie Blizzard. This fatotograf shows that, if you zoom in on snow really closely, it's actually yellow. Yellow like wee, yellow like Merseyside bus stops and yellow like not purple.

I H AV E AD R EA M

Don't be racist. Don't wear blue and red shirts, but most of all don't be racist. Remember Martin Luther King? He had some nice shirts. He made a speech once. Don't laugh at black people on the other side of the red line. That's what Martin Luther King said.

C H RI S TM A R S E

See the fat Santa at Manchester Town Hall? This is what his toilet bowl can see when Santa has a Santa poo. He cleans the toilet bowl with Toilet Turkey, which is like Toilet Duck, only less greasy and a bit more seasonal.